You Will Never Trust Him Again

So your husband cheated on you and you have made the decision to save your marriage.  Perhaps it is because you love him so much.  Or maybe you are comfortable in your marriage, have children.  Whatever the reason is, you have decided to make it work, to forgive him.  To pick up the pieces of your life and try to move forward.

I am not here to tell you to leave your cheating husband, nor am I here to tell you it is not possible to move forward. The truth is, you can move forward.  You may even end up living a relatively happy life, but, and here is the but.  You will NEVER be able to trust him again.  Sure you will talk to others and they will say that trust has to be earned and eventually you will be able to trust again. That sounds good doesn’t it? Yes, too good to be true. The truth is, you will always question his actions.  Oh of course, you will lie to yourself and others but deep down inside, you will know the truth, you will know you don’t trust him.  Every time he arrives home a few minutes late from work, or when he doesn’t answer your phone call. . .there will be a sick feeling in your stomach and a little voice in the back of your head.  You may actually forgive your husband, and think you’re happy. Heck, maybe you will be happy, but you will never trust him again.

How do I know this?  Because I have been going through it for years.  I was the one who stayed when he gave me every reason to leave.  But I stayed for my family, for my kids.  I am not going to say I am miserable, because I am not.  I am living my semi-happy life.  Hey, my kids are happy and we have a great family, but I do NOT trust him.  It has been a few years and although I don’t think he is cheating, I will never know for sure.  I question everything he does. Never out loud, but always in my head.  I get that sick feeling in the pit of my stomach when he doesn’t answer the phone when I call, although he usually calls me back instantly.  It doesn’t matter, I do not trust him.

I wake up every single night between the hours of 2:00am-2:20am.  Why?  Because this was bar closing time.  He would cheat while he was supposed to be at the bar with his friends.  Of course, he never made it home by 2:30am, so I believe my body was used to being up.  I would wait and repeatedly call his phone. He never answered and always had some excuse. Again, this was years ago.  He doesn’t go to bars anymore and he is sleeping besides me every night, but I still wake up. It’s like I have this internal alarm clock. All those nights I waited. . .Perhaps my body is just used to it. I wake up, look to my left and see him sleeping and eventually I fall back asleep.  If we are sitting and watching TV and he smiles at his phone, I am suspicious, in silence of course because I don’t trust him.  He knows this though, he can see it written all over my face.  Most of the times he will tilt his phone and show me what he was smiling at.  To be honest, it has gotten to the point that I don’t even look, don’t even care I guess. Yes, I love him but his willing to be unfaithful has changed me.  I care, but not enough.  But yet, we have a good life, happy kids, never argue.  I guess I am content, but I don’t trust him, I will never trust him.

No one can tell you what to do, no one can tell you to stay or leave. You have to make the decision to do what is best for you and your family.  You can move forward, you can make it work but you will always wonder.  You have to make the decision if you want to live the rest of your life with someone you cannot trust. You have to weigh the good and the bad.  It can work, you can forgive, you can move on. . .but you will never trust him again.

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One thought on “You Will Never Trust Him Again

  1. My husband cheated after 18 years together. I chose to stay. He was an alcoholic and was in a car accident that left him unable to walk for 15 days. He turned into someone else after that. Didn’t work or look for a job for almost 3 years. Then he found the job that ruined my life. His job took him away 5 days a week. He stayed in a Casino hotel and 4 months after I had a hysterectomy he decided to sleep with the Casino Whore. I got 2 std’s, curable, thank God. He screwed her all night long for 2 nights. They texted for a week and I found out bc he left his phone at home when he left for the week, right after the affair. He didn’t have the balls to tell me until she started texting and he had to tell the truth. I drive his phone to him (3 hours away) said get your sh&@ and come save your family or we are done! (I always said I would leave if I was cheated on, it was the one promise he made me) Nearly 14 months later I am facing surgery in a month to remove my last ovary. (I am 37) I have been with him my whole adult life. I love him. But you are right, I will never trust him again. He took away my everything. It has been so hard! I know he loves me and I know he feels horrible guilt but he always has been terrible with conflict and showing love in a way I receive it. I can’t expect him to change everything I do not like about him bc I know I am far from perfect. But I don’t know if I can stay after I heal from surgery. I want more than anything for us to work. For him to be the man I need. I also know I can be happy alone and I can support myself and my kids. I just don’t want that. I pray that God knocks him over the head with an epiphany of “oh duh all she wants is to spend time with me and for me to be there for her, put her above myself like she does for our family.” It happens occasionally but not enough. I know he isn’t cheating anymore but I don’t trust that he won’t the next time he is drunk and I am out of town. It’s a terrible choice either way. My poor kids if I leave. I want to stay. But I will do what I have to in order to be happy again. If I leave I know I can hold my head high bc I gave it all I had. I hope your marriage gets better and better. You will be in my prayers. Thank you for sharing. (Sorry for such a long comment, it’s been a long day or year I should say)

     

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