If you read 26 Years, you knew Jeff and I were supposed to get married. Due to his current ticket, we were not allowed to get married this month. Yes, it was supposed to be this month. This has been difficult for the both of us. I know it technically doesn’t really change a lot, but I was just ready to become Mrs. Deleyer. After all, I have been ready to become Mrs. Deleyer since I was 14 yrs old!
I was outside with my best friend Michelle in the commons area of our High School. This was the area where all the kids would hang out and smoke cigarettes during lunch breaks and between classes. I will never forget the first time I saw him as he walked through the doors to the commons areas and the feeling I felt. I looked over at Michelle and said; “Oh my god, I am going to marry that boy”. Never in my wildest dreams would I have imagined it would end up being in a New York State Maximum Security Prison. . . I don’t know why this is how our lives played out and I am not sure I will ever understand. But for some reason, this is the path we have had to take.
He is going crazy being locked down and not being able to see or speak to me. He is also very upset this ticket affected us getting married. I try to keep him busy. I write daily and I have now started assigning him homework to do. I send him a list of questions, deep questions that he must answer. I answer the same questions for him as well. I just received the answers back from a list of questions I had sent him. One of the questions was; “What was your first memory of me”? “I remember how you were standing in the commons with your pinch rolled pants and you were smoking a cigarette. I don’t even think you knew how to inhale, but you thought you were so grown. I smile every time I think about it, because you were so cute and still a baby.” Another one was; “If you could write your younger self a 3 word note, what would you say?” His answer; “She Loves Me”. I like the questions and answers I send to him. It is nice to read his answers verses mine. But this only keeps him busy for a little while and then he spends his time going crazy. All this time alone without being able to leave his cell makes his mind wander, and he thinks of when I left him. He has dreams about me and my ex, and just all of these thoughts that are not healthy and make him go crazy.
So what does he do with his free time? He tattooed my name on his ring finger with a sowing needle and ink! They actually make tattoo guns with the motor from a “walkman” but he thought it would be better to do this freehand due to it being on his finger. I can’t imagine sticking a sowing needle deep into my finger with ink! I would think the pain would be excruciating, but he swears it didn’t hurt. . .although he did admit I would’ve passed out. I would have. I do NOT tolerate needles well at all. I even passed out when my youngest son had to go to the doctors office and had his eyes dilated! I literally, fell to the grown and they needed smelling salts to bring me to.
I am not really a tattoo person. I got a very small one when I was younger, but it is in a place you cannot see unless I show it to you. I passed out then as well and almost left without completing the tattoo! But I have been toying with the idea of tattooing his name on my finger. I want it very small, like the size of this text and in Script font. “Jeff” and I would like it to be pink. However, someone told me it would only be able to be black because it is writing. This doesn’t make sense to me, but again, I don’t know too much about tattoos. My best friend said she would come with me to get it done. Do you know I still have the pink yarn string tied around my finger? It has been on my finger for almost 2 months! I am nervous though and not too certain I will go through with a tattoo, but I have been thinking about it for a few weeks, so. . . what should I do?
Tattoo? Yes or No?