Have you ever wonder why some ex’s feel the need to treat you and your kids like you’re just sucking every penny they earn? Do they know how much it cost to raise a child? Not just one but two. Why is it that every year single moms get stripped down and get called money grabbing “crazy ex-wife”? When all you’re trying to do is not be in poverty because someone wasn’t happy. There are some people in this world who just want to be able to move past things but then constantly get hit over and over because some one doesn’t want to do their job as a parent. Being a single mom for almost 3 years and at this point I only am fighting for my kids and I to stay afloat. I am not asking to be rich while the other suffers. I am not trying to be that “crazy ex-wife” who just takes and takes and takes. I just want to be able to move past what has happened and be able to enjoy life without having to worry if a kid gets sick then I lose money on my next paycheck to support my kids.
In 3 years the only vacation we take are to families houses to visit. We have done fun things but at a cost to conserve and make sure we have food money till the next pay-day. As a single mom I understand that most think it’s a free ride depending on how much the ex makes. Well for me it was not and is not. I just want to finish up school and be able to provide for my kids and not depend on someone else to pay support. I would love to be able to make enough money on my own to put support aside to take the kids either on a vacation or pay for their college in the future. But that will not happen because at the rate we are going, I will probably have to get a second job just to fight for what the kids deserve from their dad. Not only does someone feel they pay way too much money but they feel it necessary to continue to lie and cheat the kids out of a life they were supposed to have. It’s sad to see images of things they do not get to enjoy because I am their mother. It’s sad to see that my ex can enjoy life while we have to have assistance because he can’t afford to pay anything in support. But yet they can afford to take the new wife’s kids to an expensive place and get married instead of paying for his kids.
When did society always blame the “crazy ex-wife”? There are millions of women, who, like me end up divorced with no education, no job, no home, no assets and have to move back in with family to help you afford to live when someone was supposed to do that always. I am not claiming to be a victim but my kids for sure are. They never asked for this life. They were brought into this world with loving parents and a promise of an amazing future. But now, my kids will have to understand and value the dollar because someone feels like they can just up and walk away because they were unhappy and never took the opportunity to communicate with you. Whether we get to go here or whether we get to race there it was never about spending time with two beautiful amazing kids. It was never about spending time with the “crazy ex-wife” who took care of everything while they were away. It was about the other person needing to feel like they were loved and got to do what they wanted because that’s all they have every known. My marriage was never prefect and I was not the perfect wife nor as a mother now. Did I treat someone badly, yes, I look back and remember doing and acting how I did, not making excuses for my self. But all I wanted was to be appreciated and loved.
In the end, I know that this really is not about me or about my kids but it is about someone who has never had to deal with life or the real world. That this person has always thought that their “shit” did not stink and that they were better than everyone else because their family will bail them out. I really feel bad for this person because the real world is not a nice place and someday, not anytime soon, they will realize what they have caused on their children and those children will not want to be part of their life. Do I feel sorry for my ex and how things are going at this point in life, no! Does that sound horrible, yes! But let’s be clear, he doesn’t pay support and is not paying anything on our divorce decree, which in tune is causing hardship and drama so big it’s hard to see the end of the tunnel. But we cannot treat kids like they are second or even third place. Kids should always be number one and feel loved. You can never fix a relationship in the future with “I am sorry….your mom…..” Or “if your mom wouldn’t have done…..”. Sometimes when it comes to breaking up a family you as the single parent have to make sacrifices for your kids. No matter how much money I have, I am always making sure they have what they need before I do anything for myself.
I love my kids so much that I hope one day they will forgive their father for hurting them and treating them like they do not exist till he wants to “show boat” them. I hope that some day I will be able to forgive my ex for all the pain he has caused me but at this time he does not see how is actions look and believes he is in the right.
At this point in my journey I just ask for prayers and guidance in my kids and my future. May we be blessed with a full filled life of love and laughter and not set foot with the devil trying to take away our faith and joy.