He May Not Be Able To Love The New Me. . .

I feel very sad to say that I’ve become an infedility expert. My husband has had multiple Texting/FB/Phone affairs. He swears none of them were physical. I’m still healing from this last batch and it’s been extremely difficult. He met up on 2 occasions at a hotel with a woman he knew growing up (she came to our hometown from 300 miles away to see him!), at the same time he was having another “relationship” with a 23 year old employee of his (we are almost 40!), and also he was engaging in an online relationship with a woman in a different country. Cybersex, texting…all that. Even coming home in the morning after spending 2 different nights with the one woman, swears nothing physical happened. I don’t nor will I ever believe him.

As the lies piled up over the course of 3 months while these 3 separate  affairs were going on, I learned a lot that may help other women in a similar situation. Please don’t ever blame yourself for someone else’s betrayal. No matter how much blame they try to throw your way, they made the choice to cheat. Don’t let them make you feel like you are inadequate in any way. Which brings me to my second piece of advice, LOVE YOURSELF! You owe it to yourself to love you first. Affairs will shake your self worth and self love to the core. You’ll feel inadequate. Like if you would have just dropped those 10 pounds this wouldn’t have happened. If someone truly loves and respects you, those 10 pounds would have just added to your beauty. Do things that make you happy. Dance in the kitchen after the kids are in bed, sing in the shower, stand outside and watch the sunset…whatever it is that makes you smile. Do it! This is a time to be kind to yourself. The last thing on my short list (because I have a ton!) is allow yourself to feel the emotions but don’t obsess. This has been the toughest for me.

In the beginning, my husband was still denying everything so I was in full blown detective mode. As the truth started to trickle out, I found myself obsessing even more. Thinking about what I’d seen, what I’d been told, and what details I hadn’t yet discovered. It consumed my entire life for awhile. I’d cry, get angry, and laugh all in the same breath. I wanted him to feel all the pain I was feeling but he sat there cold as ice, and completely numb. After having a real mental breakdown, I knew I had to let it go. I was spending far too much time on the hurt, the other women, and the betrayal and it was doing nothing but making me waste more precious time that I can’t get back. I still cry now and then like when I have to drive past the hotel where he spent those nights with her or if I see a meme posted on Facebook that I saw on his phone that one of these other women sent him but it’s nothing like it was a month or 2 ago. As shocking as this is, my husband and I are in the process of reconciling. He felt this last time was his overdose.

It remains to be seen what the future holds for us but I’m optimistic. I can say this, this whole experience has made me realize what I deserve. I will never allow anyone to disrespect me the way that he has in the past. I love me too much to be content with just the crumbs of love, attention, and respect that someone leaves on the floor. I am a completely different person than I was 6 months ago and he may not be able to love this me.

 

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One thought on “He May Not Be Able To Love The New Me. . .

  1. With the exception of the number of other women and your ages, this is my story. In the end, if your heart and head are not ready to let go then you don’t. I hope you find the healing you deserve and I pray he shows you every day, the respect you so richly deserve because he does not deserve you. He’d better be ready to jump through all the hoops you are going to need to put up in front of him. My promise to you is that healing IS possible, but the scar will always be there. You will never be the woman you were before, and maybe that is going to be a good thing. Maybe this experience is put in front of you to prepare you for the next situation, whatever that may be. Good luck and keep us posted!

     

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