He May Not Be Able To Love The New Me. . .

I feel very sad to say that I’ve become an infedility expert. My husband has had multiple Texting/FB/Phone affairs. He swears none of them were physical. I’m still healing from this last batch and it’s been extremely difficult. He met up on 2 occasions at a hotel with a woman he knew growing up (she came to our hometown from 300 miles away to see him!), at the same time he was having another “relationship” with a 23 year old employee of his (we are almost 40!), and also he was engaging in an online relationship with a woman in a different country. Cybersex, texting…all that. Even coming home in the morning after spending 2 different nights with the one woman, swears nothing physical happened. I don’t nor will I ever believe him.

As the lies piled up over the course of 3 months while these 3 separate  affairs were going on, I learned a lot that may help other women in a similar situation. Please don’t ever blame yourself for someone else’s betrayal. No matter how much blame they try to throw your way, they made the choice to cheat. Don’t let them make you feel like you are inadequate in any way. Which brings me to my second piece of advice, LOVE YOURSELF! Continue reading “He May Not Be Able To Love The New Me. . .”

 

New Life, Ex Wife. . .Part 2

“I just want to be happy.”

I didn’t hear that from him, in fact, he and I have never spoken about it.  However, I did see a private message between my husband and his brother right after we separated.  His brother asked him if he was happy, he replied, “very, very happy.”  Well, this was my husband’s whole premise to have an affair.  The premise is simple: I am not happy in my work, my home, my marriage but I will be happy if I can be with Sharon. Typically, he believed that when freed from our marriage he and she will develop a new and blissful relationship with each other.   All the problems in the world will cease to be, and they will live happily ever after with no repercussions from family, friends, children, grandchildren… Well, he has the new relationship, but is he really happy?  Is she?  Am I?  Is her husband?  Are her children?  Are our children?

Let me make this clear….Sometimes a marriage should end. For example, it may be necessary to leave if a spouse or child is in danger. However, like mine, most of the departing spouses are not seeking safety; instead, they pursue an anticipated different life in which a new lover will make everything wonderful. However, in reality, the belief is a delusion. Unfortunately, for most of the cheating spouses, their anticipated “happily ever after” eventually evolves into “what was I thinking?”

More than seventeen years into our marriage, I learned about the first affair.  And in typical fashion, he believed that she was the answer to all his problems.  But, he claimed it was just a texting affair, that he hadn’t stepped over that line, that he wasn’t even actually having an affair it was just….just…. “Two troubled and depressed people talking”.  He called an end to it.  Over, she meant nothing. One year later, caught him AGAIN, with her, texting, he still claimed it wasn’t sexual.  Guess what, he “ended it again”  that was a lie, also it became sexual.  It became “a relationship/affair”.

A Faulty Assumption Continue reading “New Life, Ex Wife. . .Part 2”

 

New Life, Ex-Wife Part 1. . .

I used to go by “anonymous”, then I grew into “anonymous no more” on a Betrayed Wives Club website. Now I am ME, Cyndie Bryant. How did it get to here?

On the last day of September 2016, I looked at my husband’s tablet and saw these words, “I Miss you Mark,” “I Miss you too Sharon,” “I Love you Mark,” “I love you too Sharon.”

Well, since my name is Cyndie I knew this wasn’t me! (Sarcasm -101). My husband of 20 years, had been having a three-year affair (oops, she wrote that in one of her messenger tests herself) with another women. Another ALSO married women. Three years ago, I caught him having an emotional affair, or on-line affair as he called it with this same women. He and she were texting each other, first on Facebooks messenger (she sent him a late night text that said, “I’m back”. I asked him where she had been!) He claimed it was simple flirting, he’d stop immediately. Then a few months later, there she was again, this time on the cell phone I bought him as a surprise birthday gift (it took me a few months to “catch on”). His son worked with him at the time and was teasing him about who he was texting so much….of course, he was told “Cyndie, who else”? Texting back and forth 1700 times in July, 2000 times in August…..and it went on and upwards until I caught them in January by seeing the phone bill (yes, I have the originals). He tried to lie, saying it was some male friend of his that liked to send porn back and forth. Well, it was a “friend” all right, her name was S Sinclair. I finally dragged it out of him and verified that it was her cell phone. Continue reading “New Life, Ex-Wife Part 1. . .”

 

I Don’t Know What To Do. . .

A little back story. I’ve been married once before to a very honorable man who literally saved my life my giving up his during a natural disaster in our city. We tried to have children by doing EVERYTHING scientifically possible. After he passed, I met my current husband when he moved here to help clean up the city. It took me a while to get comfortable with the idea of dating him, but he was persistent. I finally agreed and our connection was very strong. We were great partners when it came to everyday living. We problem solved together without even talking, we had amazing chemistry in the bedroom. We went on a cruise together and that’s how we came home with a little stowaway. I was pregnant! I never thought I could have children, ever. We weren’t married, and I did not pressure him to stay. I actually looked him dead in the eye and said, “I will be an amazing single mom if you want out.” Instead of leaving which is what I partially expected, he grabbed my hand and told me he wasn’t going anywhere. So I looked to God and thanked him for sending me such a great man and for giving me the ability to create a child in my womb. We got married when our daughter was 18 months old and had our second daughter right before she turned 3. This is when things started getting weird.

He became distant, almost like he had a grudge against me. If I asked him to do a simple gesture for me he would purposely not do it because I asked. When I had our 2nd daughter he was there physically, but not with his heart. Now to the cheating incidents. Yep, that’s plural. Continue reading “I Don’t Know What To Do. . .”

 

Turning Heartbreak & Betrayal Into Lemonade, My Open Letter To Beyonce. . .

You have sung my life. For years you knew everything I was going through and helped me heal. . .at least for the moment.  I relate to you in a way I cannot relate to my best friend.  I too, am in love with a man who cheats.  I too, have stayed. I loved him too much, yet somehow, it was never enough.

I’ve packed his shit with “Irreplaceable” blasting in the background.  I’ve smashed his car with a softball bat while “Lost Yo Mind” was in the distance. “Resentment” was on repeat for weeks and I felt every single word and found myself overcome with emotion. “Poison” stung, I knew he was my poison, I knew he wasn’t good for me, but I kept coming back, wanting more.  I justified staying with “Ring The Alarm” because there was no way in hell I was going to let any other bitch have him.  Not on my watch, not when I have invested years of my life into this man.  I was also, “Crazy In Love” with him.  With each album you released, I listened to you sing the story of my life.

I have spent over 10 years with a man who loves me in the best way, the only way, he knows how to love, but he cheats.  He is irretrievably broken.  He is incapable of real love, Continue reading “Turning Heartbreak & Betrayal Into Lemonade, My Open Letter To Beyonce. . .”

 

To My Homewrecker, My Ex-Husband

To my home wrecker , my ex-husband. They say people cheat because they are missing something at home, physical affection , sexual gratification , mental connection / understanding , well what was your excuse? Because even though we had more than 1 handful of children to raise ( your’s from you previous relationship’s and mine from my previous relationship and our’s ) I always found time to be the loving supportive wife and mother to you all , I was exhausted most nights after you would go to work at midday and not come home until your shift ended around 11pm.

Weekdays were filled with our children coming home from school and the normal routines home work , afternoon tea , play time , bath time , dinner time , bed time , then making sure you ate when you came home from work and when you were in the mood satisfying you in bed before sleep. We Continue reading “To My Homewrecker, My Ex-Husband”

 

My Father’s Betrayal

The following was copied from my daughters post today. It broke my heart to read. How can the man who was supposed to love and protect her continue to hurt her every chance he gets.

Daughters Facebook Post

NEED EVERY PRAYER OUT THERE POSSIBLE PLEASE!!!! I am not a person that posts personal matters on Facebook, only thing I share a lot is about stress in school or my happy relationship. But what a lot of people don’t know is my home life. Everyone on here probably thinks I am privileged, spoiled, or rich. In reality I am not. During High school I was honored for my father to switch me his GI Bill benefits meaning I had practically an 80% full ride to further my education. By having these benefits I chose one of the best colleges ever in Texas, not a public institute but a Private institute. Since 80% is covered why not go big!

Once High School graduation night came around my father had driven in from his stationed area and attended my graduation. That night as we had went home to celebrate Continue reading “My Father’s Betrayal”

 

I Deserve Better

I recently shared a letter to my husband. After some contemplation, I thought perhaps my story could help others in a similar situation, so her it goes.

I was 18 years old when I joined the Army. No one would have guessed that I would excel in the military, but I absolutely loved it. When I left for basic training, I had been seeing a sweet guy who didn’t understand the rigors of boot camp. When I couldn’t call him everyday, he thought that meant I no longer cared. He moved on and met someone else. While at the time, this didn’t actually seem to be too big of a deal, not long after that he was killed in a car accident in which he had been drinking and driving. When we were together, I wouldn’t allow him to drink and drive and I spent a lot of time later on wondering what might have been.

I was in my fourth year in the Army when I met the man I would later marry. He was cool, confident and honestly a challenge. I met him at an Army training event. He was a soldier too and at that point in my life, I had found that men who didn’t know that lifestyle, didn’t take kindly to it. Continue reading “I Deserve Better”

 

On April 1, 2015 I received the most heartbreaking life altering news you possibly could in a marriage. My husband hand been cheating on me with the w***e he rented his trailer to. I have so many things to say to her (I speak my mind to him daily about it) So here’s my letter to my HW.
Dear HW,

A lot of people say you can’t wreck a home if the home is already wrecked. This is untrue. Granted, he and I had our ups and downs, but who doesn’t. When he decided to rent the trailer to you, I said Continue reading

 

You Will Never Trust Him Again

So your husband cheated on you and you have made the decision to save your marriage.  Perhaps it is because you love him so much.  Or maybe you are comfortable in your marriage, have children.  Whatever the reason is, you have decided to make it work, to forgive him.  To pick up the pieces of your life and try to move forward.

I am not here to tell you to leave your cheating husband, nor am I here to tell you it is not possible to move forward. The truth is, you can move forward.  You may even end up living a relatively happy life, but, and here is the but.  You will NEVER be able to trust him again.  Sure you will talk to others and they will say that trust has to be earned and eventually you will be able to trust again. That sounds good Continue reading “You Will Never Trust Him Again”