About

was the owner and creator of the popular website Shesahomewrecker.com.  After my father died unexpectedly, I sold it.

I have spent my life trying to fill a void, trying to forget a man who I fell in love with as a young girl. Unfortunately, there were too many road blocks for us and I so desperately just wanted to be happy.

I believe everything happens for a reason, every person we meet, they come into our lives for a purpose. Some to bring us happiness, and others to cause us pain. But in the end, life lessons are learned. . .I have no regrets, because if I didn’t make the decisions I did, I wouldn’t be who I am today.

I have been over the moon with happiness and I have been absolutely and utterly devastated. I have been so in love I couldn’t see straight, and I have been destroyed, betrayed and heartbroken. But in the end. . .I have no regrets and I can honestly say I now know what is important in life. I still have the ability to love so fiercely, and I also have the ability to forgive. I had to forgive a person who wasn’t even sorry. . .this showed great strength. I realized how holding onto anger and resentment is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

I had to do something to change my life, I had to make a choice and I finally chose happiness, peace and the man I have been in love with since I was 14 years old.

This is my journey. . .

Joy

 

46 thoughts on “About

  1. I have a new blog location for all of my posts. You’ll recognize who I am when you start reading the posts…..I’m trying to make things more private. 😉

     
  2. I just recently found your blog. I’m not even sure what to say. I can relate, and then I can not. I don’t want to say that I am in a similar situation (because my boyfriend hasn’t actually physically cheated, he just talks a lot of inappropriate shit) anyways, the whole why we put up with this behavior baffles me. Here’s hoping to finding peace with all of this and easier travels.
    http://disbelieverbymen.wordpress.com/2012/07/

     
  3. Wow. This is very new territory for me. There are a lot if things I’ve put up with in the past but abuse and cheating is a deal breaker for me. Can I ask, how did you meet? Was he like this when you first met him and was/is he honest about his behaviour? What us it about him/therelationship that makes you stay? Please check out my blog Mr Wrong. I’d love to hear your views 🙂

     
    1. We met while I was bartending, on a night I should have never been working. I worked Friday and Saturday and that was it. I never filled in, however, that one night I was sucked in to work by a co-worker that boyfriend dumped her on their 3 year anniversary, so . . .

      Here came John one of my last customers and they were driving me nuts from the get-go. I was all ready to go home and this one was complaining that we had no more soup of the day left. Really, I wanted to just go home, yes he was attractive but I was not interested. Finally, (I am very impatient) I just looked at him and said, I have a caesar salad with my name on it and you guys are taking too long to order, now you will wait for me and I walked away like a Diva. . .Well, John said, “are you always this nasty, or do I bring out the best in you.” I turned around, and well lets just say it was history from there.

      I was warned by many not to get involved with him. I was 7 years his senior, just moved to this state a year ago and newly divorced. Self sufficient, owned my own home, and pursuing my JD. However, I did not listen. What sold me for him? He didn’t have any children. I was not interested what-so-ever in dealing with the babies mama or ex-wife drama.

      I heard stories, but I chose to learn the hard way. No, I had no idea and no he was not honest. . . But I love him and I know he loves me too, regardless of what he does. . . I don’t see me leaving anytime in the future. . .

       
  4. Hi Ariella,
    I have something I wanted to share with you, but in a private forum. Correct me if I’m wrong but if I post on your blog it there for everyone to see. Is there a way to send you a message privately?
    Thanks Jacqui

     
  5. Hi Ariella,
    You say John has cheated on you your entire relationship. Just curious, do know how many OW there have been?

     
    1. Hey Zita,

      God, I don’t want to know but if I had to guess I woudl probably say atleast 20 I guess. I mean, he probably had many one night stands. I don’t really know. He is nothing like he was in the beginnning.

       
  6. Well I hope you know you are an inspiration. On of the struggles I face right now, is the fear that there’s going to be another mistake. It makes me doubt his sincerity that he wants to be a different man. I want to know with 100% certainty that I am the love of his life like he says, and that he won’t be coming home someday and tell me how he’s being involved with someone else and loves them! I know in my mind that this is not realistic, there are no guarantees in life, no tomorrows promised, but my bruised heart doesn’t use such logic. Really it’s pride! I don’t want to be made a fool of, but I also want to be able to walk down this narrow road and love ‘J’ just as he is. Something I think we all want.

     
    1. Zita,

      The hardest thing to do is trust. I find myself just waiting for John to cheat again. Of course I hope that this will never occur, but I know better. Do I think he will cheat again? Not really, at least not anytime soon, but I cannot imagine him never cheating again. I hope he proves me wrong. However, I do not worry about John falling in love with another woman. He has a very hard time respecting women, and John would NEVER be with one of the women that he cheats with. Most of them had sex with him instantly! John could never “be” with someone like that, as far as in a relationship. He requires a completely different women. He HATES women in some sick way. I think it has a lot to do with his childhood, but. . . Due to this, that is why he treats them the way he does. I mean, of course many would think John treats me like shit, considering all he does, but really he treats me very well, just like a lady in every other aspect but the cheating.

      No one wants to be made a fool, this I do understand. I have been through this over and over again. But like J, John is a broken man. There is just something inside of him that is broken and I finally have accepted that I am unable to fix it. Maybe one day he will heal, maybe he will always be this way. Only time will tell. . .

       
  7. You have years of experience when it comes to this issue and I truly appreciate you sharing openingly. It is sooo hard to go your own way, when our culture tells us we should be dumping these damaged men. There is a side to ‘J’ that is despicable. He has treated these other women horribly, lied and misled them, used them for sexual pleasure. I’m sure there are those that think I’m am in denial to think he doesn’t view me this way, but I know he doesn’t. Like John, there is a part of ‘J’ that despises woman and cheating seems to how he expresses it. Is it right? Absolutely not! Does it mean he’s worth loving? He absolutley is! He is so much more than that. He knows I expect to be treated with respect and he does. I think the cheating is the only thing in our relationship that I hate. We are very compatible and what we do differ on is very tolerable.
    Like you I hope his heart will someday heal and he can move past this. In the mean time I keep trying to love him just as he is. I hope we never reach that day where I finally know, enough is enough.

     
  8. I am fascinated by your blog and so glad you have a place to talk about this. I’ve always wondered about what goes through the head of women who stay in a relationship with a man who cheats constantly and remain monagamous. I shouldn’t totally wonder because I’ve dated a guy who did this to me in the past and it made me so paranoid all the time and jealous. It’s taken me years to get over. I did eventually cheat on him too though. Anyway, I live an entirely different lifestyle now but there are so many women in your place and I think society projects a lot of shame onto them so they don’t talk about it. I am very interested in reading your thoughts.

     
    1. Thank you for your comment. I do believe that some people are not as accepting of cheating as others, but I have come to realize that the person involved in the situation is the only one who has to become accepting. I think that I have provided an outlet for many women to share and discuss their husbands/partners cheating. I for one, say things that many people are afraid to say, and afraid to discuss.

      Have things been difficult for me? Of course, but the truth is, I have absolutely no shame when it comes to John cheating on me. I don’t see how anyone would be able to look at me differently. I have always been the same woman and I have done nothing to be ashamed of. John however, well, that is another story.

      My life is far from perfect, but believe me, there are many others that would wish to live the life I live. I think we all have issues in our lives, this happens to be what I have been dealt with. Loving a broken man who cheats. And my story continues. . . Welcome. . .

       
  9. I applaud your courage. I’ve been married for 23 years to a serial cheater. I found out about 7 years into our marriage that my husband was cheating; I took the children and left him. He was miserable, I was miserable and our kids were miserable. He swore his undying love to me, apologized profusely, promised me it would never happen again, and begged for months for my forgiveness. He said it was a one time thing and would never happen again so I gave in and we reconciled. My trust in him was damaged, and I cautiously watched everything he said and did, and scrutinized everything he told me. Since then it has been an endless cycle of infidelity, fighting, anger, tears, apologizing, forgiving and then moving forward. The first few times it was a huge deal, everyone found out because we’d separated, and I know most people thought I was crazy to go back to him. So, for the past several years I just keep it between us choosing not to discuss his cheating with anyone. It is at times painful and difficult but I suppose I’m getting what I need out of the relationship the majority of the time or I wouldn’t still be in it. We have a beautiful home, are financially secure, our kids are all in College now. Our home is the center of the family and I enjoy hosting every holiday and family celebration. Everyone has forgiven my husband and loves him for the generous, warm, charming man that he is. Little do they know, he still cheats on me. I love my life, my kids and my husband and I feel these are the cards I’ve been dealt in life and I’ve chosen to play them good or bad.

     
    1. Hi KayJo,

      First, I am so sorry that you have had to endure your husbands cheating for all of those years. I have been there with you, the broken promised, hope and the moments where hope that he will change is practically non-existent. It hurts more then anyone could imagine, but eventualy, we become so used to their cheating.

      I also have learned not to discuss John’s cheating with friends and family. They do look at us like we are nuts to stay with them. But the truth is, no one truly knows what happens behind closed doors. I like you love my family and am financially secure as well. I love the family we have and when its good, its so good, but when he cheats? I feel like my world comes crashing down. I hate that feeling so most often I just try to push forward and forgive so we can just move on.

      If it wasnt for this blog, I don’t know what I would do. When I first started blogging, I never imagined anyone would read it, but they have and I have found a tremendous amount of support here, and I hope you do too!

       
  10. Thanks for your kind reply. I am so happy to have found your blog and realize that I’m not alone. I wonder if you’ve ever entertained the idea that maybe infidelity is the norm for men and just maybe our society is trying to force something unnatural upon them? The stats show that most men cheat… maybe that is simply the way they’re wired? When their indiscretions are discovered, it seems socially acceptable to forgive them maybe once,,, but after that… we’re expected to cut them loose. Anyway, I so appreciate your blog and the support you offer because I always feel I’m the odd man out because I can’t be honest. I envy women who seem to have their husband’s under control, all domesticated and faithful. So, I enjoy my perfect family and my perfect home and our seemingly perfect marriage… and continue to hide our dirty little secret and suffer in silence.

     
    1. KayJo,

      A fellow blogger did a post on something like you suggested. It was basically stating that monogamy is not normal by nature. I will look for the post and post the link if I find it.

      I have learned not to envy many because the truth is, so many people would envy John and I. We seemed to have the perfect life to so many. We are self employed have great kids and this incredible chemistry that people notice. However, no one knows how it really is behind closed doors. The women you may believe have their husbands under control may not actually have any control. I have learned tha things aren’t always as they seem.

      Welcome to my blog and I hope you do find understanding and support here! Thats what this is for so feel free to vent away! 🙂

       
      1. Hi Ariella,
        Hope it’s OK to jump in. I remember reading an article and the author was claiming that monogamy is not natural but rather cultural. I tend to agree, but also believe it is possible and it’s about keeping a promise. I think I also came across a satistic that sited that over 35% of divorces are due to infedility. Now since the divorce rate is at least 50% that would indicate that cheating happens much more than we would like to think. That doesn’t include the relationships that remain together or when the betrayal is kept hidden.
        Welcome KayJo, I’m new hear too. And also am so thankful to have found a like minded woman to share my journey with. I find writting very therapeutic and am trying to start my own blog. The focus is on my journey and life as I try to work past ‘J’s lies and cheating and heal.

         
        1. Zita,

          I remember reading that somewhere, now I remember that was an email or a blog post from you! Yes, very common unfortunately! So nice to have a place where all of us women can vent. I was thinking about starting a venting page right here on my blog! What do you think?

           
  11. My husband is currently out of state on business. Right before he left I found out he had continued a relationship with a woman I’d found out about 4 years prior. At that time, I’d found an e-mail he’d written telling her that we were only together for the kids and had mutually agreed to divorce once the kids were off to college. I wrote her from his e-mail and told her that what he’d written was a lie. In fact, we’d just been planning all the things we’d do once they moved out and all the places we’d travel. She lives in another state and he’d met her at a business function. He swore he was just flirting and it was over. I felt confident that it was over after my e-mail. She is a PhD Psychologist and I figured that she’d immediately see him and the situation for what it really was. So, when I found out they were still in contact I called her and talked to her. She said he told her we got divorced after I found out about her 4 years earlier. She was shocked that we were still married and said they just e-mailed and talked on the phone every few months and once, a few years ago, he was in town and took her and her friend out to dinner. She said that nothing ever happened and she was suspicious about the time gaps in between contacts. I’m so angry with him… of course he keeps writing and calling saying how stupid he acted… how I’m the love of his life,… how we have such a fabulous relationship…. how he was only flirting and never intended for anything physical to happen… etc. I’ve heard it all before, over and over. I told him how sick I feel, how broken, how betrayed. I told him how depressed I feel and how hard it is to act normal when I can barely pull myself out of bed. He’ll continue to apologize, beg and plead, buy me a new piece of jewelry and eventually I’ll end up forgiving him and we’ll move on. This is our cycle… at least this relationship wasn’t physical… in the past other’s have been. Being able to vent like this is like therapy for me…thank you so much for giving me a place to express myself.

     
    1. KayJo,

      If I have learned one thing it is that they all swear up and down tha they are getting a divorce. Please. That’s just the lie they use to string these women along and unfortunately, most are dumb enough to believe them. Most married men never plan on leaving their wives, nor do the want to. I did a blog post about why men affair down part 2. You should read it. It was written by a man and basically he tells why men do what they do when it pertains to affairs. Now I know it cant possibly refer to all men, but I think he is on target with many things he says. If you have a difficult time finding it, I will send you the link.

      I don’t believe the OW. I mean serioulsy, who would be stupid enough to fall for that? I hate to say this, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she tried to contact him again. These women tend to be very relentless and I have also learned that they have no sympathy for us.

      I know it probably doesn’t make you feel any better, but I bet your husband is telling the truth. It probably didn’t mean anything to him. I know that sounds crazy because their poor choices greatly effect our lives as well as our physcial and emotional well being, but. . . they don’t really care about these women. Again, there are probably some men who do care about their OW, but the majority dont. I know for John it is all about sex, power and control. I can honestly say that he has never had feelings for any of his OW and there have been several.

      The difference is, I have never had to deal with an emotional attachment on John’s part. That would scare me. I am interested to know what they discussed because they both denied ever becoming physical. Im just curious if you doubt that to be true? I don’t know, it sucks. These men have absolutely NO IDEA what this does to us. John has killed me. Once upon a time I was a very confident woman with a tremendous amount of drive. I would walk into a room and everyone would turn and look. I am not that woman anymore. . .

      Vent away, again, that is what this blog is for!

       
  12. Ariella,
    If by vent you mean a place where woman can openly share and unload all of those thoughts and feelings they don’t share with friends or even their spouse because of the repercussions, absolutely. Personally, I often need to verbalize what I’m thinking or feeling and then I can see it that much more clearly. Personally I also think that to be able to heal to move forward we need to be prepared to take a good look at ourselves and work on those areas where we cause our own unhappiness. I am in no way saying that anyone is responsible or to blame if there partner cheats. Never accept responsibility for someone elses actions or choices. You can only accept responsiblityfor your own. But I’m sure you would agree with me that your healing process has been directly connected to your be willing to take an honest look at yourself and focus on Ariella and the things that are important to you. I think it takes mature love to rebuild a relationship when someone has cheated. To me mature love means loving independently. Shared independence and CHOSEN interdependence. Here’s an interesting article that make you rethink what healthy mature love is.

    http://whatislovedrcookerly.com/844/independence-with-love/

    One of my favorite movies is Sense and Sensibility. It’s a fresh look into how marriages were more than the romances we expect today. Perhaps that’s our cultures downfall and why so many people are all to eager to give up and pursue a divorce when things are not what they thought they should be. Nothing is ever what we think it is. This line from the movie has given me much to ponder over the years.

    “After all that is…bewitching… in the idea of one’s happiness resting upon one person…it is not always possible”

     
    1. I just think it would be a good idea. There are many people who come here to just vent and maybe to designate an area on my blog? Of course, anyone can vent anywhere, it doesn’t bother me in the least, but it was just a thought.

      I will read that article now!

       
      1. I think it would be a good idea too. Sometimes you just need to let it out, and there’s no where to do that. I have a very close relationship with mymom, but I could never share this with her. I don’t think she would ever understand why I’ve chosen to stay and would only make her worry about my happiness. Thank goodness I have one dear friend who does not judge who I could share with. I won’t even share openly with friends and family about my blog. It’s not that I’m ashamed of Jase or my choices, but I know most will not understand and I don’t want to waste my energy on it. Finding you and your blog has been great help, somewhere I can go, when there’s no one or no where else. So yes, creating a place where everyone can go and let it out would be great.

         
        1. Zita,

          I am going to try to come up with something. I am going to ask another blogger about this. Sometimes people don’t want to have their own blog, but they still would like to vent. It has been a crazy couple of days, but I will work on it this week. (Basement has to be re-done from water damage from Hurricane Sandy)!

           
      2. Ariella,
        What about a discussion board? Can you do that? Somewhere people can introduce themselves, their situation and follow discussions if they want. Could be a very encouraging and healing place.

         
        1. I don’t think you can do a forum based discussion board here, but Im not sure. I have never seen one so I am assuming no. I am going to try to figure out something!

           
  13. I’d like to recognize you with the beautiful blogger award.

    Beautiful Blogger Award Rules:

    The idea behind the Beautiful Blogger Award is to recognize some of the bloggers we follow for their hard work and inspiration.

    1. Copy the Beautiful Blogger Award logo and place it in your post.
    2. Thank the person who nominated you and link back to their blog.
    3. Tell 7 things about yourself.
    4. Nominate 7 other bloggers for their own Beautiful Blogger Award, and comment on their blogs to let them know.

     
  14. Hey Ariella, I have came across your website while doing research for a recent article I am writing for a University project on ‘serial cheaters’.
    Apart from finding your website greatly inspirational, I also find your situation very interesting and wondered if it was possible you would be able to take a short interview with me via email. You would not need to be named if not wanted to be.
    Please get back to me ASAP to confirm if this would be possible.
    My email adress is jennbryson@hotmail.co.uk.

    Thankyou for your time,
    Jenn Bryson.

     
  15. I also was in love with a serial cheater. He cheated the entire first 2 years we were together. In that span of time he broke up with me 3 times, saying ” It just wasn’t what he wanted anymore” , when in reality he couldn’t live with the guilt. Because he loved me… and he realized that if i found out it would break my heart. The third and final time he left he came back two days later with a 14 page letter… explaining why he had left, who he had cheated on me with, how many times and when it had happend. He begged for a second chance, but i couldn’t give it to him at that point in time… not until i could see for myself that he had changed, and i knew if he loved me the way he said he did he would change. So for a few months after he went to meetings for people with addictions. Sexual , alcoholic and any other addiction you can imagine. in that time span he started dating a girl he cheated on me with ( only because i wouldn’t take him back), and she was crazy as hell to boot. (that’s karma right there) but anyways, she got pregnant in the 4 month span they were together… and left him 7 times. Did i mention all of the girls knew me, and knew we were together? Real winners right there. Back to her. The last time she broke up with him she tried to take it back saying ” I didn’t mean it, i am sorry” yadda yadda yadda. He refused. She then proceeded to make a fake facebook profile of ME. Knowing he would jump at the chance to talk to me, considering he had still been saying MY name in his sleep. She sent him a message from the fake account. He got it, and made his own fake facebook using a random name, and did his own detective work. He realized there were 2 profiles claiming to be me. You could tell which was fake because of the middle name. It is spelled and capitalized a certain way.. She hadn’t been paying attention to the details enough to realize he would search and message the real one.. me. So 4 months after all is said and done i get a message saying that i had messaged him asking to talk, and that he was listening. i replied that i didn’t know what he was talking about, and that i hadn’t messaged him. Also she has made over 20+ fake profiles to stalk her ex’s and her ex’s ex’s and to harass them. She has who knows how many pending harassment charges… anyways. We collectively figured out it was her and that she was crazy as a shit house rat. After that he messaged me asking if i was okay, and so on and so forth. Honestly, a day hadn’t gone by that i hadn’t thought about him… even though he hurt me badly, I couldn’t stop loving him. I told him i had missed my best friend…him. He told me if i was willing to give him the chance, he would prove he was different. At first we only texted.. then he started calling me.. and we would just talk about everything and anything for hours. Then we finally saw each other on my lunch break at work for the first time in over 4 months… He broke down and hugged me and cried, saying he was sorry and he loved me, always had and always would. After that things fell into place rather quickly. He started taking me out on dates more than regularly, and not burger king or mcdonald’s either. After about 2 months of this, we decided we were getting married, and nothing would stop us. He has now been adultery free over a year and a half (since before we got married) and we will have been married a year August 13th. He has a daughter by the homewrecker, and we are now going to court to get custody of her. I love her more than anything and honestly i am happy all of this has happened. He is an amazing husband and an even better father. I think we just go to show that people can change and if it is TRUE LOVE nothing can stop it. not even a homewrecking Jezabel. I have never been happier in my entire life. and i cannot wait til we have custody of our baby!

     
    1. Wow, I have tears in my eyes. . .You are an amazing woman! I am very happy for you and I hope that he continues down this great path! Sometimes people really do change!

       
    2. Also in addition to my story… He even suggested we install monitoring software on his phone and mac! i see everything he does at all times which gives me an amazing amount of peace of mind.

       
  16. I could have created a blog called this. “I am in love with a serial cheater,” is definitely right. Married to him at that. Not going to say I’ve got his cheating under control; he’s just so afraid of losing me at this point that he’s behaving himself. Amazing what we’ll put up with in a man when we truly love him.

     

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