“I just want to be happy.”
I didn’t hear that from him, in fact, he and I have never spoken about it. However, I did see a private message between my husband and his brother right after we separated. His brother asked him if he was happy, he replied, “very, very happy.” Well, this was my husband’s whole premise to have an affair. The premise is simple: I am not happy in my work, my home, my marriage but I will be happy if I can be with Sharon. Typically, he believed that when freed from our marriage he and she will develop a new and blissful relationship with each other. All the problems in the world will cease to be, and they will live happily ever after with no repercussions from family, friends, children, grandchildren… Well, he has the new relationship, but is he really happy? Is she? Am I? Is her husband? Are her children? Are our children?
Let me make this clear….Sometimes a marriage should end. For example, it may be necessary to leave if a spouse or child is in danger. However, like mine, most of the departing spouses are not seeking safety; instead, they pursue an anticipated different life in which a new lover will make everything wonderful. However, in reality, the belief is a delusion. Unfortunately, for most of the cheating spouses, their anticipated “happily ever after” eventually evolves into “what was I thinking?”
More than seventeen years into our marriage, I learned about the first affair. And in typical fashion, he believed that she was the answer to all his problems. But, he claimed it was just a texting affair, that he hadn’t stepped over that line, that he wasn’t even actually having an affair it was just….just…. “Two troubled and depressed people talking”. He called an end to it. Over, she meant nothing. One year later, caught him AGAIN, with her, texting, he still claimed it wasn’t sexual. Guess what, he “ended it again” that was a lie, also it became sexual. It became “a relationship/affair”.
A Faulty Assumption Continue reading “New Life, Ex Wife. . .Part 2”